Monday, September 22, 2008

That Crazy Guy!!!

When I was in my early 20s and in college I would get a full time job every summer. Usually it was a mindless receptionist position. I would tell the boss that I was not going back to school (I was) and then I would quit in September (yeah, I know…).

Anyway, in every office there was always a ‘crazy guy’. Oh how we all laughed!! Good old wacky Donald - he’s a hoot!!!

I would be sitting there minding my own business doing my ‘receptionist boogie’ (talking on the phone with a friend) when Donald would waltz by, fiddled with the paper clips on my desk and then begin his hilarious monlogue.

He would catch my eye....throw out a tired riddle...I would give a half smile and a ‘hah’ and hope he would wander away. But he didn’t...he would stand there and start cutting up all the other sales reps (the crazy guy is usually a sales rep). He would say things like
‘that Sam is so cheap he’d eat his old shoes for the leather hahahahahhaha’ or
‘’hey..did you get a load of Walter’s pants? Yeeouch.I think I’ve gone blind..talk about colour....hahahahhaha’.

Then another employee would walk by, flash a smile and exclaim ‘ohh Donald! He is SO crazy hahahahahahaha’

Yeah, crazy Donald! I find that anyone who labels themselves as ‘crazy’ or ‘weird’ are really boring bland vanilla. They are the ‘wanna be nuts’ hoping that having quirks or being off the wall will merit them some character.

It’s usually the stupid ugly people who do this-smart people have their brains, beautiful people have their looks-but if you don’t have either ya gotta be ‘crazy’ wheeeeee

All the ‘crazies’ at work were far from crazy. They were so lame and obvious it made me almost embarrassed for them (if I wasn’t too busy despising them).

There was one in every single office I worked in. If you work in an office-look around.-who is the ‘crazy’ one'? .I’ll bet that that guy (or girl) Is just a big mouth bore. I’ll bet they also leave pee on the toilet seat.

After college I took an evening shift position at a production/pre press shop. I was one of about 20 people. Nobody talked to me. Not even the guy who was ordered to train me.

Every person that worked there was weird/crazy. But it was so refreshing because they all thought they were normal and sane (meanwhile, I was the only sane one).

I remember on my first evening I was behind a bank cutting copy and when I emerged the place was dead. All but one employee remained. When I asked him where everyone had gone he shrugged and said ‘they went home I guess’. Neither my boss nor my ‘trainer’ came to get me. Nobody told me I could go home. And they didn’t even tell me when to start the next day-they were all NUTS.

That remaining guy called in sick a few monts later..his excuse....He bumped his head on the ceiling while making his bed and passed out. Yeah...crazy...

They were quirky and odd and total misfits. I was home! I'm still there today.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Thursday Evening Musings

I would never get a nose ring...don’t you find that everyone with a nose ring will twiddle it or play with it and they always look like they are picking their nose? Who wants to look like a big nose picker??

Why has dandruff all of a sudden being called ‘dry scalp’ hasn’t it always been that? Is it somehow classier/cleaner to have a ‘dry scalp’ rather than ‘dandruff’.

People with soft calm slow speaking voices truly put me to sleep...and not in a bad way. I’ve never known how to tell these people they should do voiceovers for relaxation CDs-they’d make a killing. But they would get all offended and think I was telling them they were boring.....mmm..I’m getting all fuzzy just thinking of one of them...spoke to her today...sales rep...she’s like a candy box blonde...all blonde and pink and chubby...but her voice...ahhh...knocks my bp down 10 points... I purposely keep her on the phone and just zone out..ask her loads of questions.....zzzzzzzz

Why do most humans adorn themselves with metal and think they look like a dog’s dinner? What is it with jewelry and why are people nuts about wearing it? It’s uncomfortable and do people honestly think I think ’oh...look at that gold bangle..she is rich and classy and better than me....’

Doesn’t everyone feel a little like a hot shot when they use their work security tags to bleep themselves into a building/office...that’s right...I belong...

Why are men forced to urinate in front of one another? You know if this were the case for women there would be a massive uproar
'how dare you treat women like cattle!'
'how dare you not respect a woman's need for privacy'

But men just whip it out and start their engines..why?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Here! Here!

Ok..gonna make a concentrated effort to begin slagging everyone on my blog and keeping it relatively updated.

So....do you know which group of people do not get the recognition they deserve?

JUGGLERS

Juggling is amazing and VERY difficult but people are not as impressed as they should be. The hand eye co-ordination that is needed to juggle is something most morons can't achieve.

I wish I could juggle..I would thrill and entertain all my friends. I would be constantly picking up 3 objects (5 when I got to be really good) and casually start juggling them.......

'oh...this.....oh yes I can juggle..thanks for noticing...'

I would be the STAR at all parties...sigh....

People would introduce me as a juggler

'Here's Angela....she can juggle...'

ahh to be a juggler.....

ok..and here is a stupid thing people DO get a kick out of:
Dressing up monkeys/chimps in clothes and making them do 'human things'

This is NOT funny or amusing at all. It is so low brow (forgive the pun) and I do not find these chimps cute at all. They are ugly and possibly stinky. Plus they do not want to be smoking that cigar while playing a hand of poker...They would rather shove the poker chips up their noses and perhaps poo on the table.....

If someone has one of those novelty monkey calendars I know I can not be their friend....

hmmm...I can't be friends with:
1. People with monkey calendars-ok..already told you that one

2. People who say 'basically' too much

3. People who laugh EVERY time they complete a sentence

4. Racist people (I think I am a visible minority and nobody can convince me otherwise)

5. Men with a long nail on their baby finger-what is up with that? why? Do they think any woman wants to have sex with them with that horrible long (usually slightly dirty) fingernail

6. People who are not the slightest bit superstitious-no fun

7. People who SAY they are spontaneous-yeah.....sure you are....

8. People who never have cookies in their home

9. People who swear and then say 'excuse my French'

10. People who fart and then think if they say excuse me you will think it was a ok for them to fart

ok..now I am all riled up and looking for a fight! Oops...being beckoned back to my cage more later I promise