If I Ruled the World!!!

Why is it everybody except me opens their bananas the WRONG way?? Bananas were born to be opened by the top-not bottom! If you don’t believe me just check out how the chimps eat bananas-they are the expert banana eaters.…..opening it MY (right) way just makes more sense
1. When you open it my way you have 4 evenly weighted peels dangling to the side-without that heavy stem-laden piece that keeps banging into your hand
2. My way also gives you a handy holder whilst enjoying your banana
3. My way just LOOKS better

If i ruled the world I would command each of you to open bananas the proper way..I would also banish other obvious (to me) deplorable acts..such as:

Why do people eat FRUIT with their MEAT-this is just so gross…fruit and meat do not belong together.

I am for the total segregation of fruit.

Fruit compotes are disgusting and only pompous people PRETEND to like them….it’s their way to sneak fruit in with meat. Meat is savory-fruit is sweet…they are not permitted to marry

I also do not want fruit dating chocolate. (bananas are allowed as they are not ‘wet’)

With fruit and chocolate-choco is too creamy and rich it should not have to compete with fruit’s wetness….like oil and water…..like religious talk at a cocktail party…..like farting at a cocktail party…just not done!

Bananas (here we go again with the bananas) are permitted with choco because they are ‘dry’ and bode well with choco's creaminess.

Speaking of chocolate I am against white chocolate being called ‘chocolate’. Technically it is NOT chocolate. And it tastes like sugar, snot and vanilla…..I shall banish white chocolate too.

There…I have spoken…..now to get me a scepter…