Here are MY opinions of our lovely nurses......
What comes to mind when you think of a nurse? It’s either the ‘naughty’ nurse from those B porn movies you watched as a pubescent little scamp or the kindly caring woman with the soft round hips who will make you feel all better. 'There, there little one' she will softly coo in your ear, 'let me just fluff your pillow...'.
You are WRONG! Nurses (94.6% of them) are a bunch of bitches (and this includes the male ones).
I know many nurses and they are exempt from my studies (I am only saying that so they don’t punch me in the nose).
Nurses are mean and rude and extremely judgmental. Heaven help you if you smoke or do anything that a nurse finds remotely bad for your health. They will let you have it-either by giving you a stern lecture or by giving you a nasty look that they seem to have perfected. How can you complain about a ‘look’? It’s easy to deny…nurses got your number-don’t even bother trying to complain.
If you are ever unfortunate enough to have a hospital stay then heed my warning:
Do not ring the call bell.
The nurses get VERY angry at anyone who rings this bell. It does not matter if your bed mate has stopped breathing, or you are in immense pain..do NOT disturb the nurses! They are busy sitting in the nursing station bitching about you and the doctors.
Oh, and god (of thunder) help you if you ask for pain meds. It does not matter if you just had open heart surgery and all you are asking for is a couple of Tylenol #3s. The nurse will treat you like a heroin addict-look at you disdainfully and tell you ‘It’s not time yet’ or ‘Are you sure you need one?’
If you manage to stagger to the nursing station (after you lay waiting for a nurse to appear after ringing the ‘bell’) and ask for assistance this is what will happen:
Bitch nurse: (first she and her cronies will ignore you…..as you stand there..bleeding…then after 7.3 minutes she will scowl at you and bark: ‘YES???”
Poor You: 'ahhh…errr..I was wondering if someone can help me? My leg seems to have fallen off’
Bitch Nurse: ‘what room are you in?”
Poor You: ‘errr…..306’
Bitch nurse: ‘I’m NOT you’re nurse’
Poor You: ‘Can I speak to my nurse?’
Bitch Nurse: ‘No..she’s on break’
With that she will walk into that secret office behind the nursing station. What is in that office? What? I imagine it filled with chocolate eclairs and weekly magazines. In there they sit discussing how incompetent doctors are (after all-they do all the work..they RUN the floor) and they also gossip about every other nurse who is not there….
So, stay out of hospitals. But nurses are nasty everywhere-not just in hospitals. I have asked nurses that I know for a diagnosis for an imagined medical condition I was suffering from (I'm a notorious hypochondriac). When I cornered them in a room and gave them my symptoms they all tell me the same thing:
‘It could be a number of things..go see your doctor’.
What good is personally knowing a nurse if they never give you information?? Not only do they remain tight-lipped about all they know but when they say ‘go see your doctor’ they say it as if they KNOW you have a terminal illness and they don’t want to be the ones to break it to you….cowards…mean cowards…
Nurses are also horrible joke tellers, sneak 17 items in the 'no more than 8 items' lines, and have dry hands..their only saving grace is they have nice arms and long nail beds..they're also usually slender…they do not talk loudly in a movie theatre...oh and many of them are good in math.
3 comments:
As a nurse who has been a patient too many times, as much as I really wanted to disagree with at least SOME of what you've written (read all). I cannot..you've got us pegged. But hey give me some credit it took me years to perfect "that look"..r.n.d
Apparently our nurses in the good ole U.S. of A are much better than your nurses up there. Nah nah nah nah boo boo!!!
To my lovely, little sister Angela,
As a registered nurse working full-time and going to school for my BScN degree, I found your blog very interesting.
One of your advertisements, "Register Nurse Programs" reported that in 2007 nurses topped the annual gallup poll on honesty and ethical ratings of people in different professions for the ninth straight year.
Nurses may be judgemental and give you the "look" but we're honest. Who else will tell you that you're a complainer and potential drug addict? If we don't watch how many Tylenol #3 you consume, you may want to keep taking them. Then out healthcare system will really be in trouble.
As healthcare providers it is our duty to scorn at smokers. Perhaps this will help them quit?
As for the call bell, why do patients insist on ringing them for mundane things like, "what time is lunch?" I could be in the middle of a code blue.....run down the hall to answer the call bell to, "what time is lunch?" Alright, I'm exaggerating!
Yes, nurses are entitled to a coffee break, even though it may be one hour long. We deserve it! It's hard to put up with you complaining, sucky patients. Why is it that adults act like two year olds when they have a cold? I'm sooooo sick. Suck it up!!!
Another thing is that when nurses are off duty we do not want to hear about your aches, pains, itch or look at your disgusting ingrown toenail. Save that for your GP.
We may be bitches, but we earned it honestly...
Tina
P.S. The next time I see you at Mommy's, I will punch you in the nose.
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