Sometimes, I am sitting around minding my own business when these feelings of impending doom come crashing down.
I think, ‘one day, when I am surrounded by people, I will laugh so hard and a big piece of snot will come flying out of my nose' .It WILL happen one day. What am I gonna do? So I begin to mentally prepare for this disaster….play it in my mind. Can I blame the flying snot on someone else? Do I see where it landed? Can I retrieve it? What will I say? Make a joke? Pretend to faint? Ignore it? WHAT???
It’s very annoying being me… When everyone else is fantasizing about winning the lottery or telling their boss to fuck off, I am wringing my hands figuring out how I am going to handle barfing on the subway, or being stuck on an elevator when I really have to pee-it’s very tiresome.
Even if someone is walking behind me I fear they may (2% chance) strangle me. I fear everything including the infamous anvil plummeting towards my noggin.
How do you stop pretend things from happening? Logical answer: by doing pretend things to prevent them of course!!
So, I am very strict in following superstitions-sadly many of them I made up.
I absolutely MUST get in and out of bed on the same side. My sister Anna who is even more crazy has allowed herself to loop-which means if she gets out the other side she can then get back in the wrong side and proceed to exit on the right side.
I also MUST ALWAYS put my right shoe on first. This is not so troubling unless I am at a shoe store and they just offer me the left shoe to try. But being the master of deceit that I am I just let them know my right foot is slightly bigger so I need to try that one first.
Hmm..what else….I used to never finish reading my book if it landed on page 13 (or page 113 or 213-you get it) but since having Andrew who was born on the 13th I figure that number is now lucky for me so sod that! Oh and my sister Anna again is even more crazy. Not only can she not leave her book on page 13 but if all the numbers ADD up to 13 then she must continue to read. EG-pg 67-6+7=13. Or page 193-1+9+3=13…yeah…I know…
I am far too posh to worry about the standard-walking under a ladder or black cat crossing my path...for me they must be more intricate...have more 'guts'.
Oh, if I drop my comb I must step on it whilst chanting 'Good Luck' sometimes I add 'you dirty duck' but that is not necessary to ward off evil....
So I happily live my life inside my head and everything is just fine provided I follow my rules......wanna join me? There's a secret handshake!!! And we eat TONS of cookies...
I think, ‘one day, when I am surrounded by people, I will laugh so hard and a big piece of snot will come flying out of my nose' .It WILL happen one day. What am I gonna do? So I begin to mentally prepare for this disaster….play it in my mind. Can I blame the flying snot on someone else? Do I see where it landed? Can I retrieve it? What will I say? Make a joke? Pretend to faint? Ignore it? WHAT???
It’s very annoying being me… When everyone else is fantasizing about winning the lottery or telling their boss to fuck off, I am wringing my hands figuring out how I am going to handle barfing on the subway, or being stuck on an elevator when I really have to pee-it’s very tiresome.
Even if someone is walking behind me I fear they may (2% chance) strangle me. I fear everything including the infamous anvil plummeting towards my noggin.
How do you stop pretend things from happening? Logical answer: by doing pretend things to prevent them of course!!
So, I am very strict in following superstitions-sadly many of them I made up.
I absolutely MUST get in and out of bed on the same side. My sister Anna who is even more crazy has allowed herself to loop-which means if she gets out the other side she can then get back in the wrong side and proceed to exit on the right side.
I also MUST ALWAYS put my right shoe on first. This is not so troubling unless I am at a shoe store and they just offer me the left shoe to try. But being the master of deceit that I am I just let them know my right foot is slightly bigger so I need to try that one first.
Hmm..what else….I used to never finish reading my book if it landed on page 13 (or page 113 or 213-you get it) but since having Andrew who was born on the 13th I figure that number is now lucky for me so sod that! Oh and my sister Anna again is even more crazy. Not only can she not leave her book on page 13 but if all the numbers ADD up to 13 then she must continue to read. EG-pg 67-6+7=13. Or page 193-1+9+3=13…yeah…I know…
I am far too posh to worry about the standard-walking under a ladder or black cat crossing my path...for me they must be more intricate...have more 'guts'.
Oh, if I drop my comb I must step on it whilst chanting 'Good Luck' sometimes I add 'you dirty duck' but that is not necessary to ward off evil....
So I happily live my life inside my head and everything is just fine provided I follow my rules......wanna join me? There's a secret handshake!!! And we eat TONS of cookies...
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